Lawyers for the defendant, Dudley ‘Dudster’ Matthews, described the sentence as ‘manifestly excessive’, arguing that the judge clearly failed to take into account that Dudster’s Dad was, like, a really big deal in Warwick’s Agribusiness sector.

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‘This is honestly fucked’, muttered a deflated Dudster as he sauntered out of the courtroom today, having just been handed a sentence which he knew would rock him to his core over the next 12 weeks.

‘The cunt looked at me funny, what was I s'pose to do?’, exclaimed Dudster to a group of journalists at the conclusion of today’s proceedings, surmising what had taken place late one Sunday last year outside Prohibition nightclub.

By Dudster’s side was his father - renowned cattle-grazer and Warwick’s former heavyweight boxing champion - Warren Brust. Warren nodded firmly in agreement as his son spoke, sinking his teeth deeper and deeper into his third piece of Nicorette gum for the morning, the stiffness of his upper lip reflecting his loathing of what he saw as a clear failing of the justice system.

As Dudster returned to campus later that afternoon, wearing his trusty Titans footy shorts, he was heartened to learn that his fellow King’s boys had officially committed to boycotting Xbox nights for the duration of Dudster’s sentence, in solidarity with their battle-scared brother.

The Obiter understands that the hashtag #westandwithDudster has begun circulating in the College’s WhatsApp Groups.

When we asked lead prosecutor, Sarah Bulson, if this sentence was perhaps a little inadequate for someone who fully decked a bloke for no good reason, she responded, ‘yeah, look, this is actually a really good result for us. Last week there was this GPS Rugby Captain who confessed to committing war crimes and he only got a month of no Coco Pops for breakfast’.

No more to come.