‘I didn’t send you to All Hallows so you could quibble with me, young lady!’ spat Doris Johnston (44), as Gibbs CJ, the family’s Siamese cat, watched on intently to the heated altercation unfolding before him.

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News of an unsettling domestic dispute is emerging from the inner north-east this evening, with local media reporting that a stand-off between the Johnston family - Doris, Boris, Louise, Carla and Gibbs CJ - as to what tonight’s Foxtel Go entertainment would be has turned ugly.

‘If you don’t pass me the remote control to me right this instant then you can say goodbye to the trip to Prague that me and your father had planned for you!’ an enraged Doris could be heard hissing at Louise.

Doris had boiled into a fury so visceral that it momentarily distracted her from the fact that her husband, Boris, Strata Management Lawyer, hadn’t been able to excite her since early 2003 - back when Eurythmics were in town and George Bush Jnr was all the rage.

‘Nothing gets me more excited than a dispute over noise in the pool area after 10pm’, Boris, who’s favourite type of cat was QCAT, had told Doris on their first date more than 30 years ago, perhaps foreshadowing the events of this evening.

It needless be said that Doris was on team Grand Designs in tonight’s dispute (Kevin McCloud hubba hubba, she thought).

A debate of such vigour hasn’t captured the imagination of the Johnston’s since last Sunday at the Harris Farm Markets when they attempted to come to agreement as to what they’d have for afternoon tea - Monte Carlo’s or Jam Drops.

More to come on this breaking story.