“I’m so excited to be assigned route 66!” said Joycey, excited to be 20 minutes behind schedule.

In a move that delighted jaded Qantas customers, Alan Joyce announced that he is no longer going to be the CEO of QANTAS.

“It’s time for me to move on,” he said “it’s time for me to follow my passion and become a bus driver.”

Head of Translink recruitment said they were delighted to poach Alan and his “particularly efficient skillset.”

Joyce has also said that he will act as a David Littleproud lookalike on weekends to earn a bit of extra cash.

The Obiter can report that Hollywood actress Vanessa Hudgens will replace Joyce as CEO, who, in her first public address, affirmed the public that “we are all in this together!”