A New Zealand athlete has been “wowed” by the beaches of the Gold Coast, the host city for the 2018 Commonwealth Games. “This place is just unreal,” Spence Arnold exclaimed as he strolled through Surfer’s Paradise.

Arnold, who is favoured to win silver in the upcoming 50metre dash, is as of press time unaware that he is scheduled for a ritual glassing on Cavill Avenue circa 11:45pm tonight.

“I couldn’t think of a more beautiful host city,” Arnold laughed from his spot on the sand, seemingly unaware that the attractive locals he was admiring would turn on him at the first sight of an empty Cruiser bottle.

Arnold has trained his entire month to make it to the Commonwealth Games and said that dipping his feet into the Broadbeach water made him feel like it was all worth it. This feeling is set to pale in comparison to the feeling of shards shattering on Arnold’s skull after refusing to buy Micko’s favourite Meter Maid a hash brown from the Cavill Maccas.

Arnold, blissfully unaware of the absolute beating he’s set to cop outside Ripley’s Believe It Or Not, was optimistic that the competitive spirit of the Games would change the Coast. “I’m optimistic that the competitive spirit of the Games will change the Coast. This isn’t Schoolies!”

It’s always Schoolies.