A paranormal excursion taken by an avocado has tortured the absolute shit out of a struggling inner-city Arts graduate, as the spectre of ‘Ghosts Of Avocados Past’ continues to rage across the Brisbane property market.

‘Ooh. Ooh. Bet you’re regretting that $24 purchase now, buddy,’ said the ghost of a smashed avocado, that had inexplicably found its way to inner-city enclave Paddington to torment local millennial, Tommy Collins (27), as he desperately tries to buy a first home that won’t put him in debt for the next nine hundred years.

Tommy’s decision to enter the property market was, on paper, a wise one, but the previous decade of careless spending has put him in a pretty tough spot.

While you can’t put a price on the memories created by beer-soaked weekends followed by avocado-soaked breakfasts, it has undoubtedly fostered a world where Tommy’s credit score is more atrocious than Djokovic’s backhand down the line.

Actually, what the fuck are we saying - live with no regrets. Have that eighth smashed avo this week. Order that second pizza. You’re only young once, unless you’re a cryogenically frozen Walt Disney.

But that’s all beside the point. What matters now is that the haunting, pale spectre of a delectable smashed avocado on Turkish toast with crumbled feta and cracked black pepper is calling Tommy some very, very hurtful things, and not all of them have to do with his financial position, if we’re being honest. Many, many of them have to do with his Armenian heritage.

Nevertheless, Tommy’s ability to stick his fingers in his ears and pretend like the ghost isn’t there is currently serving him pretty well, despite the real estate agent protesting with him to ‘please stop, cunt.’

Intriguing scenes coming out of the greatest city in the world, the city on a river.

No more to come.