High Court Looking To Employ The World's Most “Reasonable Man”

After countless decades of attempting to ascertain what a ‘reasonable man’ might do, the High Court has proudly said ‘fuck it,’ and are now attempting to find the most reasonable, normal man in Australia.

A common theme throughout many legal questions is an objective assessment of what a reasonable man may do in various scenarios. Would a reasonable man act this way? Would a reasonable man consider this contract to be binding? And up until now, the suffering judiciary have been forced to use their own minds to determine the thoughts of a reasonable man.

This approach has received much criticism, as many argue that judges are often not at all reasonable, and can be out of touch with the approach of the reasonable, common folk. And thus, the search begins.

Chief Justice Kiefel AC spoke exclusively with The Obiter regarding their search criteria. “Have you ever enjoyed a Corona with lime, and said ‘this is the life’? Do you feel a particular thrill, and urge to dance, whenever you hear Despacito? Are you willing to get into a genuinely violent argument over a sports team? You might be who we are looking for.”

Applicants will be forced to undergo a reasonability test, ensuring they are just about the most vanilla, generic, reasonable person that can be found. One key element of the test is placing the candidate in a social situation, and ensuring they can blend into the conversation, without being particularly interesting or memorable. Another indicator of reasonableness is their willingness to lend you money; if they lend you $5 with no complaint, that is reasonable. But if it’s $20? Put ‘em away, moneybags - unreasonable.

The Court has stressed they are not just looking for men, despite what hundreds of years of male judges have written. “In this day and age, it has come to our attention that hundreds, if not thousands, of women are reasonable,” suggested Justice Keane AC. “So if you find yourself enjoying Lorde and vodka lime sodas, do apply! Ha ha….”

In the midst of ordering a medium flat white thanks mate yeah one sugar, The Obiter realised that we may be eligible to be the reasonable person. But seeing as we are a website, we could also be struggling.

If you know anyone so reasonable that they could fill the statutory office of The Right Honourable Reasonable AO, do call the High Court on 3231 4598.