Researchers at the University of Brisbaneland (UoB) have announced today their results to an epic, government-funded, 10-year study examining the effect of lame numberplates on heterosexual males’ chances for getting any action.

They concluded that there is a direct inverse relationship with having any breast-connotation on your number plate and actually getting to touch, see, or even discuss breasts with attractive partners of the other gender. “Because it is super-duper lame” was the general sentiment by researchers.

“Essentially, you say breast, they say rest,” concluded Doctor Rosanne Smith, Chief Researcher, obviously very satisfied at her little rhyming statement.

“It’s a numberplate, not an upside-down calculator.”

The conclusion also applies to any breast-based puns or using numbers to replace letters, such as ‘B0085’, or ‘B zero zero eight five’, to use its Star Wars droid name equivalent.

General punters of the Brisbaneland community have expressed their dismay at this results. Obiter interviewed Michael Jeffries, 28-year-old business analyst with the numberplate ‘T1TT1EZ’.

“I mean, it’s real disappointing yeah, but I mean it makes sense. Closest I ever got to staring into the eye of a boob was one night out at ‘Dunder with some poor backpacker, but once we got to my car which I’d parked in the loading zone for an hour outside, she took one look at the numberplate and ran back inside.”

“I didn’t even know she could read the English!”

This is a sad day. However, some positive news comes out of the sister study which revealed that numberplates with the word ‘P00P’ are still, unequivocally, hilarious.