Outlook, Gmail, Hotmail and numerous email servers across the nation crashed today due to an unprecedented amount of traffic coming out of Queensland.

The sheer amount of Out-Of-Office automatic replies generated unthinkable workloads that email programs proved ill-equipped to handle. The overwhelming tsunami of communications that expressed the one simple fact, that ‘unforeseen circumstances’ of Gagai being a weapon and Ponga throwing two beautiful passes have rendered countless working professionals wholly unable to perform their duties.

For national companies and firms, a basic all staff email led to the pillaging of inboxes with:

‘Hi there,

I am currently out of the office due to circumstances that were unforeseen until the second half.

For anything urgent, please contact me on my mobile or send a big piccy of Cherry-Evans’ dick to my home address in a sexy envelope.

Best,

Queensland.’

The amount of traffic produced wasn’t just unusual for a Thursday morning, it would’ve been unusual for halftime at the Super Bowl. They crashed the Harvard Network. And we’ll be damned if that wasn’t Cameron Munster’s secret little plan all along, the terrifying little devil.

But at the end of the day, Queensland, a million tries isn’t cool. You know what’s cool?

A billion tries. You heard us.

No more to come in any way shape or form, whatsoever.