The world wakes today a rare helping of incredible, great news: HIV has been reportedly completely cured in a second patient, a giant milestone in the AIDs epidemic.
For those suffering from the disease, this is life-changing news. Which is why I must waste no time in informing the local bully that his days are not as numbered as he once thought!
You see, several nights ago it occurred to me that I had not changed my Facebook profile picture for many months.
‘Time for a change,’ I whispered, smiling as I uploaded what I described at that time as a ‘certified ‘like’ magnet.’ I thought it was my best yet: fun smile, pressed linen button-up, a Jason Mraz inspired hat. I looked very smart and nice. Mum said I looked ‘cute,’ but I think that may have been pushing it a bit.
So you can imagine my shock when I learned that not only had the profile picture failed to impress some people - it had grave flow on effects that I truly didn’t see coming in a million years!
You see, reader, it was mere minutes after the upload that Eddy, the big mean school bully from school, commented on the new picture.
‘Fucking hell,’ he wrote, the profanity masking the devastating blow which was to come.
‘This picture just gave me AIDs.’
Now I’ll admit it here and now. I haven’t always been the biggest fan of Eddy, the big mean school bully from school. He was mean, and often double-dacked in front of the entire quadrangle. Talk about a tough Monday! One second it’s handball and Maxibons, next second all of upper primary are receiving a bountiful visual serving of my doodle!
However, despite my misgivings, I never intended for Eddy to contract an acquired immunodeficiency disease from observing my photograph.
Here I was, trying to put my best foot forward. But instead of pleasing the masses, i accidentally interfered with a colleague’s ability to fight infections. That’s high school for you!
I never knew my picture could anger Eddy’s blood cells to start attacking themselves more in a more brutal manner than Eddy attacked me behind the cricket nets last week. What a kerfuffle!
I was overjoyed to hear that there is hope in the fight against AIDS, as it mean I won’t be responsible for killing the local bully!
A big relief is putting it mildly.
Thank you to the doctors and researchers who made saving Ed from this disease possible! You’re heroes. In the meantime, I learned a valuable lesson: you can never be too careful with what you put on the internet.
And that’s something we can all agree on.
Plenty more to come, but hopefully no more double-dacking!