An independent study conducted by scientists at Infowars has today revealed the shocking truth of the construction of the first food pyramids. According to the lead researcher Lachlan James, the report presents ‘overwhelming evidence’ that the dietary structure was assembled by aliens.

While the pyramids have long been thought to have been built by hundreds of thousands of slave dieticians, the new research suggests that extraterrestrials built the structures out of a sick Martian desire to see some fuckin’ hot slim human bodies mmhmm.

Questioned on the scientific method leading to the discovery, James explained that his team decided to shine a black light upon the monument in an effort to examine the structural integrity of sometimes foods. However, the blacklight revealed something much more significant: a message written in invisible ink reading ‘Hey, Aliens here. We did this.’

Carbon dating showed this message to be written circa 1974, which is exactly the period that the food pyramid is generally regarded to have been built.

In the wake of the discovery, declassified documents from the American Dietary Association (ADA) have revealed an institutional coverup of the true origins, as would-be whistleblowers were silenced by way of force and law enforcement were paid off to turn a blind eye.

Once again, our government has failed us.

More to come.