Given the strength of the response to Tuesday’s Kirby article, we’ve decided to press on with our incredible formula for comedy, which boils down to ‘[public figure] + [random law library cliche] = dazzling pieces of satire.’ Sadly, we underestimated our chosen protagonist for this latest gem from the lab of comedic experimentation. Our hubris and arrogance led us make to a fatal error – we decided to focus on Bodger, world famous seat detective, who proved incredibly adept and able at finding a seat in the Law Library.
‘Bazinka (Bodger’s famous catchphrase in the seat detective spheres)! There’s a seat next to that Economics student,’ thought Bodger the Seat Detective as he wandered through the Law Library, an anthology of all his greatest cracked seat mysteries in hand, completely able to find a seat.
In town for a lecture at the Convention Centre detailing his learnings working on the baffling blunder of Rosa Parks’ missing seat, Bodger thought it best to get a start on the seminar prep due tomorrow, and elected to find a seat in the Law Library, an easy task for the man who once looked Recep Erdogan in the eye and said ‘I don’t care what threats you make Mr Prime Minister; I will find that seat.’
Much to Bodger’s expectation, he found it completely possible to secure a seat in the library. Just another day at the office for Bodger, who we will reiterate earns a fairly healthy living solving cases solely focused on chairs.
‘This is easy,’ he informed The Obiter in a yelled interview near a crowd of giggling fourth-year Law students discussing how sexy and cool the jacket Bodger was wearing is, with a big patchwork of a scorpion sitting in a seat on the back. Nice!
‘I find it completely abhorrent that they Law School can’t even provide a challenge for me . For Christ’s sake, I’m Bodger the Seat Detective! I’m the man who slept with Chief Justice Warren Burger’s wife in his own seat! Which I found! Also, Roe v Wade is bad law.’
The above comment from Bodger was genuinely unprompted and is particularly alarming. Bodger declined our requests to shift conversation back to seats and made some fairly inflammatory comments regarding the use of the Due Process clause as the constitutional basis for finding a woman’s right to an abortion in the US, as per Roe v Wade. This is not to say Bodger seeks anything less than an unfettered right to safe, legal, abortions, but rather, he thinks the issue of standing should’ve prevented Roe being heard, as the foetus in question had already been born, and thus there was no actual case or controversy.
Bodger also thinks any dump that accepts discarded seats should be shut down. This, he believes, is nothing less than ‘seat abortion.’
After we pointed out to Bodger that seat rights are human rights he muttered ‘the interview is over,’ before walking up to The Void in an opt attempt to find a seat there.
You’re going to have to get up earlier than that to find a seat, Bodger! By which I mean literally 3am. Which he did! We did this interview at 2.40am. It’s rough out there.
If there was a seat problem yo, he’ll solve it. Check out the seat while Bodger revolves it.
More to come.