A self-professed ‘classic rock aficionado’ has been embarrassingly outed as a man who, whilst never having heard of Pink Floyd, Led Zeppelin, or ‘Dire Straights,’ as he spells it, is definitely a bloke who gets around a bit of ‘Khe Sanh’ after a couple of Great Northerns.

Ejembi Eko (22), a Commerce/Law fifth-year and Bumble addict, likes to talk up his classic rock credentials as much as he discusses that one time Quade Cooper told him ‘chicks dig boat shoes.’

But after a pretty shocking performance at his mate Bryce’s pres, that involved Jimmy Barnes literally walking up to him and slapping him hard on the ass whilst Ejembi did not recognise him, it’s begun to dawn on a few of Ejembi’s mates that the self-professed ‘music guy’ of the group really shouldn’t be professing that, in any way, shape or form.

The rumours of Ejembi being a music guy started after a number of weekends where he showed a rare sixth sense in predicting exactly when a second-rate RSL covers band would turn to the tried, tested, delicious sound of Cold Chisel’s ‘Khe Sanh.’

And there’s certainly an argument that a blind eye was turned to Ejembi’s complete ignorance of any other Cold Chisel song, such as the poignant ‘Flame Trees,’ or the bass-heavy ‘Come On Eileen,’ but regardless, once a reputation grows, it is hard to tear down.

Yet the Iron Curtain that has been fostered around this young man is beginning to slip, as the Berlin Wall of ‘give Ejembi the UE Boom, he’s got all the best playlists’ is knocked down by harsh realisations.

To put it bluntly, this bloke is pretty fucking basic. Time for a Tooheys New and a mild disrespect toward female authority figures, tiger.

No more to come on this brilliant, subtle piece of satire that both entertains and informs.