As the world is gripped by the suspenseful cave rescue of 12 Thai boys and their soccer coach, rescue chief Narongsak Osatanakorn has diplomatically declined Elon Musk’s attempts to help the mission.
According to Musk’s recent tweets, the tech entrepreneur and magnate has seemingly designed a submarine craft in the last three days “...made of rocket parts and named Wild Boar, after the kiids’ soccer team,” which he has left by the cave entrance “...in case it may be useful in the future. Thailand is so beautiful.”
The Thai rescue chief has responded and dismissed Musk’s offer by saying that “...although his technology is good and sophisticated it’s not practical for this mission. Also, is he still with Grimes? What’s the deal with that?”
In the preceding days, Elon Musk has reportedly been spotted outside the cave system sitting inside his submarine pod, blasting rocket launchers at Thai Navy Seals and offering to sell media representatives “electric powered oxygen tanks” from under his heavy trench coat.
Responding to claims that he is a ‘weird Tony Stark crossed with Mark Zuckerberg,’ Musk simply chortled with glee and scampered away to his laboratory to build a digital cave which will rescue the boys from the actual cave. Somehow.
The Obiter can exclusively report that since the Thai rescue chief tweeted his firm response, Musk has been spotted climbing into his electric hovercraft and scanning the Pacific region for more helpless children in dire need of rescue to capture the hearts and minds of the global public.
Musk has since hovered back to Thailand, propelling himself into the air on his ejector seat and exclaiming: “HAVE YOU HEARD ABOUT WHAT’S HAPPENING IN NAURU?!
“It’s like what almost happened in Johnny English when Pascal Sauvage attempted to turn England into a giant commercial prison, but in Nauru – it seems he has succeeded! We need to bring down this evil overlord Pascal Sauvage and justice to the detainees on Nauru!... Nauru is so beautiful.”
Musk’s inane rants seem to have struck a chord with some on social media, but the mainstream media seems to have let him be.
We questioned Musk on where he planned on settling the refugees currently being processed on Nauru after he rescues them, since they presumably will not be allowed on shore in Australia, he responded, “I will take them to my Space Station via my Great Glass Elevator”.
Musk then boarded his mini-sub, Wild Boar, and disappeared into the ocean.
Where did he go?
Pictured: a leaked image of Musk's 'Wild Boar' submarine, being piloted by top operatives, or 'toperatives.'