US President Donald Trump, in an unprecedented move, has nominated pretty much every member of the Facebook group UQ Politics Society 3.0 to fill the Supreme Court vacancy.

The retirement of Justice Anthony Kennedy sparked a ferocious lobbying effort by Washington’s legal establishment to influence the President’s choice of replacement.

However, President Trump surprised his advisors and the world by opting against the tradition of nominating a single person to fill the seat and instead entrusting the laws of the nation to the better part of the 761 members of UQPS 3.0.

“Many were saying I should just nominate a federal appeals court judge,’ President Trump said in his announcement speech. “However, I was scrolling the feed and some of the polls these kids are posting in that group are just fucked. These are true conservatives.’

Many commentators have noted that the proliferation of incels within the nominated group ensures that the aggregate age is a comfortable 22, meaning the court would lean conservative until the Facebook society either dies, retires or meets a girl.

The curators of the United States’ highest court have already expressed alarm at the logistical implications of the nomination. ‘We only have one vacant seat,’ Bailiff Jim told The Obiter. “When you rule out Drew and his mates, that’s about 750ish little shits we’ve got to squeeze into one seat. It’ll be tight.’

At press time, liberals were formulating an awareness campaign to highlight the risks of confirming UQPS 3.0 to the court. ‘This nominee will overturn landmark decisions, such as whether Jordan Peterson is any good and if genocide can be funny,’ read an early email to the liberal activist group Everything Is Mean.

President Trump has signalled he will meet with his nominee at the Red Room to discuss confirmation strategies.

At press time, no one had shown up.