‘It’s going to be a nightmare on the Bruce Highway, buddy,’ said Mark Pickering (49), a loving father-of-three and a man who seems to be utterly paranoid about any remote traffic build-up.

‘We’ve gotta beat the long weekend traffic if it’s the last thing we bloody well do!’

When the Premier (we’re not even going to attempt that last name without the assistance of SpellCheck and a priest) announced a long weekend to commemorate the tragic passing of the Ekka, most Queenslanders thought that a trip to the beach or the country could be just the tonic to months of COVID-driven fear, isolation, and increasingly unsavoury masturbatory habits.

But for Mark Pickering, this was more than a family holiday. This was an opportunity, to finally get one up on the ‘civilians’ who would be sitting in traffic on Thursday night or Friday morning.

‘Fuck it,’ Mark thought to himself, staring in the eyes of his youngest, Tyson.

‘We’re leaving on Tuesday morning.’

Despite Mark having to wipe out his annual leave balance at Place Kangaroo Point in order to do so, the sense of personal triumph and accomplishment he felt packing the Pajero this morning was nothing short of astronomical.

And as Stradbroke Island beckons, with minimal traffic on the M1, this Queensland Dad has a message for everyone.

‘I miss my wife.’

No more to come.