After the seismic changes brought about by the COVID-19 pandemic, few expected life to feel normal for some time. But one vestige of a bygone era has remained. The Ekka Winds. Despite the complete and utter lack of an Ekka, except for that deranged drive-thru which doesn’t have a patch on the relentless scent of cow manure, the Ekka Winds have decided to do Queensland an absolutely mammoth solid and stick around for August.

The traditional cold, dry temperatures and booming winds of August in Brisbane are most commonly associated with rugging up at the Ekka with a fellow Year 9 student, maybe watching the fireworks under a picnic blanket in the stands which you misguidedly thought was an uber-romantic move, but which she interpreted as a sign you were ‘such a good friend.’

But this winter, with no Ekka, and the RNA Showgrounds littered with the broken dreams of young Brisbanites who were hoping to drink six shots of vodka out of a battered Mt Franklin water bottle, the winds have decided to do their part in restoring a vague sense of sanity to proceedings.

We briefly conversed with a spokesman for the Ekka Winds, Mr Derryn Grinch (no relation). ‘We thought it was pretty important to stick around, just to remind everyone that August in Brisbane can be really uncomfortable.’

‘We saw some people having beers on the grass at Southbank, and a few menus at pubs that weren’t blowing away, and we thought that just wasn’t on.’

Whilst some Brisbane residents have complained about the advent of these vicious winds, others are happier about their presence.

‘Makes my farts blow away quicker, ha ha!’ said your disgusting Dad who you moved to Melbourne to get away from but have to live with again due to the pandemic.

No more to come.