A local neckbeard with a face has today made a bold declaration that ‘feminism is a cancer.’ Not only is this ideologically dicey, but factually incorrect, given that feminism is very obviously a Taurus.

Time to replace the can of Mother with a can of astrology knowledge, buddy!

Brynden Hayesworth (23), a fifth-year Arts student (no-one has figured out how it’s taken this long), decided to share his astrologically-deficient views in a POLS tute, cleverly saying anyone who disagrees with him is ‘in denial.’

Ignoring how much this is a stock Libra move, it’s worth noting Brynden’s grasp on zodiac signs, and indeed, reality, is incredibly tenuous.

The zodiac sign Cancer, which primarily relates to humans born between June 21 and July 22, tends to gladly connect with new social contacts, but remains extremely sensitive of people not approved by their closest surroundings. No way does this accurately describe feminism, a social movement aimed at achieving equality between the sexes.

In fact, not only is it incorrect to describe feminism as a Cancer in the sense that ideological movements cannot bear zodiac signs, but if feminism was to be a zodiac sign, it would be fucking obviously be Taurus. To say otherwise is to be absolutely kidding yourself.

The ruler of Taurus is Venus, the planet of love, attraction, beauty, satisfaction, creativity and gratitude. That sounds like a healthy slice of third-wave feminism to me!

And if it’s first-wave feminism you’re after, look no further than the Taurus tendency to be practical and well-grounded, and harvesting the fruits of labour. That really does appear to strike at the heart of a basic struggle for equality.

If you’re going to weaponise the faultless science of astrology, you’d better come prepared. And that goes for those who inexplicably described the Safe Schools program as an acquired immunodeficiency virus, ignoring that educational programs can’t catch AIDs.

No more to chum.