April 27th is shaping up to be a decisive evening for the struggling and abandoned Howard Smith Wharves precinct, which naively opened its doors late last year as if they thought people would actually come.

The destitute wasteland has not managed to appeal to any Brisbane residents, with it being laughably easy to get a beer on a Friday. You basically just go and pour it yourself - even the staff don’t show.

The venue attempted to appeal to the socially elite with the Mr Percival’s cocktail bar. ‘Nope,’ said the influencers, speaking as one. You’d struggle to find a single Saturday afternoon Aperol Spritz-themed upload from that dastardly, decidedly empty deck.

The tumbleweed-infested Chernobyl knockoff hopes that the UQ Law Ball will at least make people aware that there is an entertainment precinct called Howard Smith Wharves.

‘Never heard of it,’ said a group of Eagle Street grads The Obiter focus tested. ‘Sounds like it wouldn’t be busy though, especially around sunset. Reckon you’d be able to get a table pretty easy.’

‘Good luck to them, not easy to have a small business in a niche location in Brisbane. What did you say their name was again?’

Let’s hope that the upcoming Law Ball can do what Freddie Mercury did for Live Aid and save the damn thing!

And hey Freddie - what’s the lyric?