‘I just don’t understand,’ wept 22-year old Greens volunteer Amy O’Rourke.

‘How could Queenslanders not vote Green?’

The International Relations student was shocked and devastated by the results of Saturday’s federal election, especially after all of the hard work she had put into persuading central and northern Queensland voters of the benefits of voting Green.

Amy deferred uni for the semester so she could join Bob Brown on his anti-Adani caravan trip. ‘I don’t know what it was that turned these people off,’ pontificated O’Rourke, who managed to call every voter in the Longman electorate a ‘capitalist c**t’ over the course of the trip.

‘It’s so strange that they didn’t come with us after we made the effort to drive north and explain why Adani is an evil fucking hellhole that they should be willing to accept unemployment for, because they didn’t get smart and go to uni like me and my friends.’

‘It’s not Adam Bandt’s fault you don’t know how to read.’

The loss is still sinking in for Amy, who at one point threw an iced green into a potential supporter’s face because he asked how the Greens intended to pay for all their policy proposals.

‘Fucking coal muncher,’ Amy screamed before singing ‘Fight Song’ with her fellow activists.

The mystery of the Greens’ failure to win the hearts and minds of rural Queenslander workers will no doubt be the subject of many a political autopsy in the coming weeks.

More to come.