Tom Jones (21), who cannot find the Seddon Building for the life of him, is already fed up with the throngs of lost first years.

'Why are they all just walking around aimlessly?'

It’s the first week back at uni - the car parks are already full, the scent of Merlo wafts through the air, and college kids are still wearing their stupid little hats with nicknames on them.

One person who appears unaffected by all the excitement is Tom Jones, who is going into his fourth year of Law and Commerce. After pulling into the last park under the hockey fields and checking his timetable, Tom quickly realised he had no idea where the fuck 'Room 82E-W313' was.

'Get out of my way,' he yelled, while elbowing his way through a crowd of excited first years. It is alleged that this is the sixth time Tom has redownloaded the UQ Nav App after confidently deleting it.

Anonymous sources have alleged that Tom missed the icebreaker activities, but made it just in time to see the mandatory social distancing PowerPoint slide.

More to come.