Woohoo! You know what month it is. It’s Pride Month, and that means celebrating sexual diversity in all its various, beautiful forms, and celebrating the people who have made a difference to the rights and freedoms of LGBTQIA+ worldwide. And somehow, Pride Month is also about Taylor Swift co-opting a movement to sell records, and corporations coming very late to the party of ‘human beings should be treated like human beings.’

But Pride Month can mean very different things, to very different people. And that’s okay! But for Alex, a young man currently being devoured by a pride of shockingly hungry lions, Pride Month may not be the happiest moment of his life.

Ouch! That’s gotta hurt. Lions have teeth, and claws, and the will to tear him apart limb from limb and feast on his delicate spleen!

At press time, Alex was screaming as the pride mauled him alive and ate his innards while he was still conscious of everything happening to him and able to feel the extraordinary pain of being ripped apart. Still nothing compared to the pain of his friends watching on, but still pretty horrible.

Alex was not available for questions, but we at The Obiter imagine he would have said something along the lines of ‘AGGGGGGGHHHHH! THE PAIN! This is not what I had in mind for pride month at all!’

God, we hope he is put out of his misery soon!

No more to come.