The transcript of a private call between Peter Dutton and Tony Abbott this morning has been leaked.

‘The boy has discovered our secret, Tony. It makes us vulnerable. We must deploy all our forces now to find him. And you, my friend, must stay close.’

The Obiter’s political correspondents then heard an address to parliament by Peter Dutton this morning where it was reportedly stated:

‘I know that many of you will want to fight. Some of you may even think that to fight is wise. But this is a folly. Give me the Prime Minister. Do this and none shall be harmed. Give me Malcolm Turnbull, and I shall leave Corporate tax rates untouched. Give me Malcolm Turnbull, and you will be rewarded. You have one hour.’

A protective media ban was then cast over Parliament House but it is rumoured that Malcolm was seen asking if anyone has seen his cloak.

Upon defeat Peter Dutton provided this warning as he retreated to the backbench.

‘You have fought valiantly, but in vain. I do not wish this. Every drop of conservative blood spilled is a terrible waste. I therefore command my forces to retreat. In their absence, dispose of your cabinet with dignity.

‘Malcolm Turnbull, I now speak directly to you. On this night, you have allowed your colleagues to resign for you, rather than face me yourself. There is no greater dishonour. Join me on Manus Island, and confront your fate. If you do not do this, I shall kill every last Man, Refugee and CEO who tries to conceal you from me.’