A startling discovery has been made recently – a statue above the Steele building in the Great Court appears to be mogging. The first person to realise they were being mogged by the sandstone façade was a chemistry student on their way to class – they have requested to remain anonymous but have received on-going counselling as a result of the experience.

Mogging, and the associated action of mewing, is part of the looksmaxxing trend popularised by TikTok - where participants attempt to appear more masculine through bizarre means. Originally, looksmaxxing was thought to trace it origins back to 2014, coinciding with the early 2010s emergence of incel culture, but this new discovery dates it to at least 1939.

‘It’s honestly amazing’, claims Roger Bates (24), a computer science student known as @chadmaster_bates on 4-Chan. ‘To know that mewing, and even looksmaxxing as a whole, is potentially an ancient art is well… well it just really makes me feel connected with my ancestors, you know? With that long line of white men that history has forgotten. It’s gratifying to finally be recognised.’

Bates is currently organising a mass solidarity mogging event below the statue and has even proposed a plan involving ladders to bone-smash it.

‘I mean the mewing is obviously helping – that statue has an absolutely chiselled jawline, and he already has those Steeley-grey hunter eyes – but to really make his looks rock-solid, we need to bone-smash a little and maximise those facial gains.’

Bates’ fellow looksmaxxing enthusiasts are currently trying to find a UQ statue that is jelqing to help destigmatise the practice.

The Obiter hopes there is no more to come.