‘I Have Really Serious Privacy Concerns About MyHealthRecord!’ Says Local Man Who Regularly Snapchats His Explosive Diarrhoea

The MyHealthRecord database will be an important tool in modern Australian healthcare, enabling doctors to access critical information, and giving researchers the capability to synthesise large amounts of information to promote significant medicinal advances. With a connected national healthcare system, medical practitioners will have greater ease in providing better treatment.

However, some have raised concerns regarding privacy, with many fearful that the information may be accessed by those other than medical professionals. Similarly, some have rejected the concept on principle, arguing it is inappropriate for the government to collect such information in a centralised place.

One such person who has expressed privacy concerns is Mike Cook (19), a second-year Law student, whose approach to privacy is so famously loose that he Snapchats graphic images of his explosive diarrhoea to his friends.

He also regularly sends nudes to women who don’t ask for them, and boasts about his fairly mild sexual exploits with such volume that he might as well be screaming them from the rooftops.

This man has doubts about privacy.

Mike has said to his friends, in his Messenger group chat ‘Darren’s A Poofstar’ (a reference to another of Mike’s friends, Darren McGregor, who was called a poofter in Year 9 for reading Twilight: Breaking Dawn), that he ‘has some grave doubts about the efficacy of the protective firewalls,’ as if he is an IT expert that has a nuanced understanding of data security.

In conversations over beers, where Mike regularly leaves his wallet, full of personal information, sitting loosely on a nearby table, he has mentioned that he ‘doesn’t think the government needs to get their grubby little porcelain hands,’ on his personal data.

After we spoke with Darren, of ‘Darren’s A Poofstar’ fame, he also made the point that Mike has effectively no medical information to hide.

‘He sprained his ankle in Year 10 playing dodgeball at Morning Tea, but I don’t think that’ll make the database.’

Or will it? We really don’t know. No more to come.