A local man has just absolutely nailed it, adding a hefty dollop of Heinz tomato sauce to his beautifully charred, thin, well-done steak. Junior real estate agent, and ‘the next Gordon Ramsey,’ Bryan Reyne (26), has never had a substantial amount of kitchen experience before now, but with this clever move, he is being hailed as a ‘genuine revolutionary.’
When he arrived home from work at 6.15pm, Bryan didn’t expect to spend the next hour putting together one of the most delicious and groundbreaking dishes known to man. Our reports suggest that after changing out of his Tarocash suit into something a little more comfortable, he grabbed a Hahn Super Dry, and set about watching ‘Two And A Half Men’ reruns on Gem.
But when the hunger struck, Bryan’s evening took a turn for the extraordinary. Stomach rumbling, he slapped a rump steak on his entry-level Weber barbecue, firing up the heat to make sure he would kill all bacteria. With one side of the steak charred, Bryan’s lips began to tremble at the thought of crisp, tough meat. But he knew one thing was missing.
Running to the fridge, Bryan made sure he had his trusty 1L bottle of Heinz ketchup. As a perfect addition to steak, pasta, and even cereal, tomato sauce was a central component of Bryan’s kitchen. And then came the moment of truth. Squeezing every last drop of life out of the bottle, Bryan deftly placed the crimson liquid on the black steak. A delicious dinner was about to begin.
As soon as the story was leaked, news outlets around the world have rushed to cover Bryan’s brilliance. The Wall Street Journal’s food writer, Marcus de Pinoquine, described Bryan’s decision as ‘exquisite… the decision of a real prodigy… a man with an instinct for food and a hunger for flavour.’ BuzzFeed immediately released a quiz, entitled ‘What Tomato Sauce Brand Are You (For Usage On Bryan’s Steak)?’
However, we at The Obiter are proud to have gained the exclusive scoop. Talking with Bryan about what inspired him to make such a bold choice, he simply said ‘I love tough steak. I love crushed tomatoes, in a convenient squeezy bottle. Why wouldn’t they go well together?’
A true visionary.