After grinding to 52* from 122 balls in Wii Cricket, a local man, Mark Moran, is convinced he could make the transition to becoming a full-time test cricketer for Australia.

Despite his cricket experience being limited to a few matches for 8D Gold in high school, Mark’s technique and patience with the Wii remote in his hand have persuaded him he has the talent and skill to take his game to the next level. Coming in with his team in trouble at 4/77, Mark executed a glorious cover drive to the boundary off his first ball, leading the crowd of Miis to celebrate wildly. But he needed more than flair to take his team to a first-innings lead – he needed patience, which he demonstrated across a three-hour innings that his mother described as ‘…has he serious been playing for three hours? Shit, he needs a job.’

His timing and execution has convinced him he should message the Australian cricket team on Facebook, and see if they need a new batsman.

‘Yeah, to be honest, I know it’s just a video game, but it’s the same basic skills right?’ said Mark, in an interview with The Obiter. ‘And ultimately, cricket’s a mental game… I’ve got all the mental elements right here!’ he yelled, pointing aggressively to his head, almost poking his eye in the process.

After getting in touch with Darren Lehmann, coach of the Australian cricket team, we can confirm that Wii Cricket is often used as selection policy, second only to actual cricketing skill and/or the game of nerve and patience, Jenga. However, Mark is unlikely to gain selection to the Australian team anytime soon. According to Lehmann, “…we’re looking for destructive, powerful hitting in Wii Cricket. Something like 223 off 48 balls. Save the gutsy half-centuries for the test arena.”

Upon hearing these comments, a shattered Mark has turned to Wii Tennis in preparation for a wildcard entry to Wimbledon. After slamming a forehand down the line, the Wii remote reportedly slipped and shattered his TV screen, leaving two shattered things in Mark’s living room. More to come.