In an enthralling twist, all three nominees for the hallowed role of the UQLS Presidency in 2021 are women. Whilst evidently a major step forward from last year’s shitshow of an all-male panel of nominees, it hasn’t pleased everyone. Local misogynist, Arts/Law student, and all-round ‘BBC College Captain,’ Brett Hackney (22), has expressed his clear displeasure at the slate of nominees.

‘I honestly don’t know who to vote for when they’re all just so hysterical,’ claimed Brett, despite clearly never having met any of the talented and capable nominees in his life.

As the election reaches its final day of campaigning, culminating in a bloodthirsty, violent AGM this evening, the candidates are staring down the barrel of two paths. For the winner of the Presidency, they might follow in the footsteps of those before them and reach the lofty heights of StuPol with a Young LNP membership. For the loser of the Presidency, they might follow in the footsteps of those before them and become a good bloke named ‘Fergus.’

But no matter what happens over the next two days between Zoe, Kat, and Mia, the vitriolic sexists among us are absolutely spitting chips.

Brett immediately messaged his group chat ‘Squad rules/BBC kingz’ upon learning of the nominees, proclaiming ‘how can this be?’

Whilst being met with a number of ‘seen’ reacts, with absolutely no-one replying to his sexist, baiting message, that hasn’t shaken his belief in his willingness to shake up the system.

‘Ah, well,’ he said to The Obiter in an exclusive interview.

‘As long as I can still vote for Mike Fielding. He represents all my views.’

No more to come.