‘Oh, why didn’t you say so sooner!’, said the Senior Partner at King & Stick Freehalls, beaming excitedly. ‘We love nothing more than a free spirit, broski!’

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Fredly Barker (22) is built different, simply put. He doesn’t live by plebeian societal conventions like the rest of us. The man writes his own rules.

When Fredly was born, he had to drive his mum home from hospital. When Fredly goes to the bathroom, a baby unicorn is born. When Fredly decides to wake up, the sun rises with him. He also built the sun with nothing more than toothbrush and a packet of sherbet lemons, as an aside.

He is, without a shadow of a doubt, a phenomena.

But something even more remarkable than these feats is the simple yet brilliant motto that has guided Fredly throughout his brilliant life: Why apply yourself at anything at anytime or anyplace in life, when you can ascribe all of your shortcomings to a lack of giving any sense of a shit about anything?

Quite brilliant.

No more.