In a harsh response to its many critics, the slippery floor at Venue Ei8ht has hit out with an angry rant on Facebook, claiming it was ‘just trying its best.’

Ever since the slippery floor came under fire at the 2018 Law Ball for being, well, a bit slippery, it has suffered a difficult few days, with public criticism and death threats a constant presence in the life of this slippery floor. Facebook posts have claimed ‘the floor nearly broke my neck,’ and ‘god, is it that hard to get a non-slippery floor? #NotMyFloor.’ But after weathering the storm for the last few days, the floor has struck back.

‘You try bearing the weight of 2000 sloppy uni students, many of whom vomit on you, step on you with heels, and even lie all over you after they sleep. I dare you to try it, haters, I dare you,’ said the Facebook post, on the official ‘Slippery Floor’ Facebook page.

‘I was just trying my best. So I’m a bit slippery - is that really such a sin?’ asked the floor.

The post has garnered mixed reactions, with some turning to support the floor, and noting it ‘wasn’t really that bad.’ However, some critics have doubled down on their criticism. George Chumley (20), a Commerce student who is unusually chirpy about a law event, has suggested the floor’s claims are ‘...absolute bullshit aye. I didn’t pay to slip on a floor - who would? Like if you agree! End floor slipping!’

In a touching interview with The Obiter, the floor broke down crying, acknowledging that it contributed to some people slipping on the night. However, the floor nevertheless believes some of the criticism has gone a bit far - and is also confused about the death threats, believing it ‘quite difficult to kill a floor.’

As many breaking stories come out from Ball ‘18, it’s worth remembering that slippery floors are people too - and let’s treat them like that.