Course co-ordinator and head lecturer of LAWS5225 (Sports Law), Brad McBranson, is apparently sick to death of all the ‘massive nerds’ doing his course.

With his tanned, oiled muscles rippling underneath a Cricket Australia singlet, his lips sucking down protein smoothies, Brad informed us that when he was approached by Dean Parkinson to teach Sports Law, he assumed it would have more to do on ‘the law of being an alpha dog at your rugby league club,’ and less to do with disciplinary tribunals and the arbitration of contractual disputes between professional athletes and administrative bodies.

As a consequence, the course is reportedly full of students who actually want to learn the complex legislation governing the relationship between intellectual property and the commercialisation of sport, as opposed to ‘roving packs of alphas… who sit up the back and talk during the lecture about Virat Kohli’s classy 61 not out in the Third T20.’

‘All the students actually sit up the front during the lectures! It’s bizarre,’ muttered Brad, his scrotum shrivelled from decades of steroid use.

‘When I was studying sports physiology, we sat so far at the back of the lecture, we weren’t even in the room anymore! It was like we were at the pub! Because we were! We went to the pub!’

Brad’s deranged ramblings can’t distract from the fact that Dean Parkinson’s hiring decisions have clearly plenty to be desired.

Whilst hiring a sparky to teach Construction Law was a surprising masterstroke, it was probably a bit iffy to hire Gerard Baden-Clay to teach Criminal Law B, and it was arguably a genuine shocker when a document with two signatures on it was instructed to teach Contracts A. Documents can’t talk!

Probably no more to come on this dumb idea.