"Um, what have you got there, mate?", roommate, campaign manager and former UQLS Secretary, Kurt Munckton, asked Angry, as Robertson returned home to their Lutwyche mansion clutching the noggin of his former communications director. "Oh, it's just my new clarinet, dear one."

*****

"He’s done what?!!!! Who does he think he is?!!?? ANGRY is ANGRY!" bellowed Robertson, as one of his staffers sheepishly advised him that someone had submitted an advanced nomination for the position of UQLS Secretary.

As you can imagine, Robertson’s characteristic rage got the better of him. He murdered everyone in the room. Twice. That’s just the kind of man Robertson has become.

Collecting his effects, and inhaling sharply, Robertson returned to his chambers. As he approached his office door, he stared longingly into the life-sized 1.4m * 0.7m portrait of former UQLS Secretary, Kurt Munckton, that hung in the centre of his campaign headquarters, desperately praying to himself that he would one day secure the approval of Bundaberg’s greatest ever sheep shearer.

"I will not fail you, master. I will finish what you started" pledged Robertson, falling to his knees in front of his most prized possession.

“Whatever it takes”, he muttered, before returning home to continue watching reruns of Grand Designs with his dear roommate.

When news broke a few nights ago that Robertson would be running for the position of Secretary uncontested, we approached Angry for comment. He simply threw us that trademark grin, light up a cigar, and quipped: "Unopposed, you say. God, I love democracy".

Although Robertson appeared blissfully unaware that he may face a challenger from the floor of the AGM, we hastened to advise him of that possibility; we couldn't take the risk. He is, after all, the scariest man to have ever graced the four walls of the TCB.

Long live King Robertson