The human capacity for depravity was once again on full display this morning after Business student and Sticky Fingers fan Alex Powell tagged unsuspecting friends in a shit pandering corporate meme. In what has become a national crisis, the comment has spurred efforts to prevent mouthbreathers such as Powell from procreating.

The incident is said to have occurred in the comments section of a Domino’s Australia post captioned “@J is the CEO of garlic bread”, to which Powell responded “@Jamie Wong haha you love your garlic bread mate haha”. Ugh.

Sources close to the Dylan Frost apologist say that unfortunately, tags like this have become par for the course. Ryan Purtill (22) says he had to completely cut Powell out of his life after being tagged in a Baskin-Robbins post captioned “like if you stan cookie dough”.

“Yeah that guy shouldn’t be allowed to breed” said Purtill, who has joined a chorus of powerful voices calling for drastic government interference.

Eugenics has generally found little favour in the past, perhaps due to its inherent inhumanity or something. However, public opinion has swayed dramatically in recent years in response to the significant increase in success of woke and/or savage corporate marketing.

Surfing this wave of public support, the Federal Government today proposed a bill mandating the sterilisation of any person who likes, shares, or otherwise interacts with any attempt at viral marketing. The ‘Dumb Cunt Corporate Shills Gotta Go Bill’ received bipartisan support in the House of Representatives this morning, as Labor and the LNP issued a joint statement condemning the “unquestionable gimpitude” of people who engage in such practices. The Bill received only a single ‘Nay’ vote, from newly minted Greens leader Adam Bandt, who argued the proposed legislation “didn’t go far enough.”

The bill is expected to pass swiftly in the Senate tomorrow.

Let us pray it does.

No more to come.