Stumbling into work forty-eight minutes late, with uncharacteristic sunglasses resting on his face and a piping-hot triple-shot flat white resting in his clammy, sweaty hands, local finance grad Dominic Henson (24) has had to rapidly come up with an excuse that will surely take its deserved place in the ‘Bullshit Artist Hall of Fame.’

The victim of a few Sunday beers that escalated into something far greater, Dominic’s head was thumping with the hazy memories of a few too many pale ales, as well as some questionable choices of words to a female acquaintance who described him as ‘a prick.’

Dismal looks from other colleagues confirmed to Dominic that he couldn’t simply coast through the day, assuming no-one would notice him. The unmistakable stench of sweat, rum, and shame would make sure of that.

So the poor lad has had to come up with an excuse on the fly for the absolute state he’s in. And that’s when Roger Federer and Novak Djokovic come into play. The 2019 Men’s Singles Final at Wimbledon is the centrepiece of the tennis calendar, but for Dominic, it was simply a background distraction on the TV at the pub, a sorry reminder of a life outside of near-alcoholism.

But today, Federer and Djokovic may be this young man’s saviour. Charging into his superior’s office, he decided to get on the front foot, opening his dehydrated mouth for the first time that morning to say ‘Fuck me, it’s incredible Federer didn’t break him in that first set.’

‘The game could have been decided there,’ he continued, slowly beginning to believe his own lie, like all good bullshit merchants do. ‘But Novak just kept the baseline game going, deep ground strokes, and that powerful serve return that characterises his game.’

Dominic’s stunned superior, the barely-older Andrew Bond (26), realised that his junior didn’t notice he was on the phone with the Sydney office, in the midst of an incredibly important conversation.

What was initially a masterstroke from Dominic, has rapidly turned into a stroke of sheer idiocy. And it’s particularly shocking considering Dominic is Pat Cash’s nephew (backstory!)

Absolutely no more to come on this half-baked mess (a description that applies both to this rambling article, and its central protagonist).