Excitedly stomping his feet while ejaculating and defecating in his pants, local drooling village idiot, Kyle Cocks, was in stitches Saturday morning, after UQ StalkerSpace’s forty-year-old, ninth-year admins approved the group’s one millionth post about ibises.

The ibis is a wading bird, present across most of Australia, but inexplicably the focus of disproportionate attention by the students of the University of Queensland.

Tagging eighteen friends in the comments of the apolitical, university-administration-approved post that had already received four thousand likes in thirty minutes, Kyle was heard shrieking ‘Ahahahahaha!!! I’ve seen ibis before. Me love ibis hahaha!’

Five minutes later, the foaming-at-the-mouth idiot was whooping in delight as UQ’s focus-grouped Twitter account posted a bland meme about bush turkeys on campus, in order to distract from the increasing atomisation and alienation of student life and the growing corporatisation of higher education in this country.

At press time, Kyle was reportedly aimlessly scrolling through his feed when he obtained such a state of transcendent bliss upon encountering the ten thousandth ‘I just want milk that tastes like real milk’ post on StalkerSpace, that he obtained the state described in Theravada Buddhism as Arhat, where one has gained insight into the true nature of existence and achieved nirvana, being liberated from the endless cycle of rebirths in saṃsāra.

More to come.