Uh-oh! It’s panic stations in Bardon this evening as recent government bans have jeopardised Lucy Millington’s night of nights.

Despite a global catastrophe looming, Lucy simply cannot understand why COVID-19 had to come for her personally and ruin her ‘entire life.’

Since The Regretta Hotel was forced to shut its doors to patrons at midday yesterday morning, the wailing of those born under the Aries star sign can be heard all throughout the inner west.

Fear not! If you were unfortunate enough to have parents that shagged a lot around mid-June of 1999, spare a thought for the poor buggers caught up in these cataclysmic events!

1. The Battle of the Somme

2. Suez Crisis

3. The Blitz

4. Haitian Earthquake

5. Chernobyl

6. Eruption of Mount Vesuvius

7. India-Pakistan Partition

8. Hurricane Katrina

9. Krakatoa

10. Bombing of Hiroshima

While you may have been hoping to ‘blitz’ your 21st, or were concerned you’d ‘bomb’ in a speech for your best friend, imagine what it would’ve been like to be actually bombed. Would’ve sucked heaps. But if you reserve your sympathy for one historical 21st season, absolutely pour one out for those who had ‘em scheduled for September 11. Tough day.

No more to come.