It’s become rapidly apparent to the majority of rule-abiding, newswatching Australia that embattled NRL club the Brisbane Broncos have never heard of COVID-19. Despite being so willing to use the pandemic as a ready-made excuse for their abhorrent lack of form, the loose attitude to pubs, clubs, transmitting germs, and transmitting germs at pubs or clubs, has become immediately obvious.

Whilst the average punter is hardly an expert in molecular transmission of infectious diseases, even the most blind referee with his eyes painted on can see that openly licking the doorknobs and used tables at crowded pubs is a fairly dangerous activity at the height of a pandemic.

Which makes it all the more bewildering that it is apparently a ‘team-bonding activity’ for the struggling club at Red Hill.

‘Yeah, we know it looks pretty weird,’ said Anthony Seibold, fronting a press conference with nineteen lawyers and an ex-Mossad special agent just in case anyone brings up ‘those rumours.’

‘But when I was at Harvard, we learnt a lot about business leadership - and strategic risk was an important concept.’

Many journalists were pained to point out that strategic risk refers moreso to undertaking cautious activities with a definite gain, rather than encouraging Kotoni Staggs and Patrick Carrigan to cough in everyone’s mouth at the Everton Park Hotel.

‘Can’t say I’ve heard of this ‘corona’ stuff,’ reported captain Carrigan, after all the boys had just shared one water bottle at training.

‘Covid-covid… doesn’t ring a bell!’ exclaimed sacked forward Tevita Pangai Jr, fresh from drinking a beer from a spit bucket that had been passed around a local wine tasting.

And the final straw came with the ultimate germ transmission between player and coach, involving a third party. Although we can’t print those rumours here because we don’t want Anthony Seibold to literally kill us.

No more to come.