The friends of Law student Nick Phillips (20) excitedly welcomed back their well-travelled classmate today after six months studying abroad under the UQ Exchange programme.

But after some extensive cultural engagement, Phillips is not the same man that left them in September of 2018.

It seems that within a few short months’ stay in Leeds, the UK’s premier cultural hub has stolen Phillips’ melanin, money, and significant chunks of his brain.

Robbie Murray, a close friend of Phillips, says that the state of his mate was quite a surprise. Robie verbosely expressed his concerns in an intimate interview with The Obiter.

‘Yeah, he looks like shit, haha.’

While previously a committed student, Phillips says that his time at the University of Leeds was more about learning a new culture than memorising course content. In pursuit of this goal, Phillips emptied his wallet each week into the waiting hands of Leeds local Timothy Wilson, who when asked of his profession, described himself as ‘the UK’s fastest growing entrepreneur.’

In a prepared statement, Wilson declared ‘Yeah he’s a good lad. You want some spice?’

While Phillips is satisfied that his use of the UQ Exchange Bursary was in accordance with the Scholarship’s stated aim of assisting cultural enrichment, critics allege that getting fucked on gear is not in fact a cultural experience.

These claims, particularly from Phillip’s parents, who are owed $6000 by their son in the aftermath of his exchange, have fallen on deaf ears. No literally, Nick is deaf now.

After much criticism and demand for action, UQ Abroad issued the following announcement.

‘Ket’s fucking sick cunt.’

It sure is.

Plenty more to come. Anyone got a note?