It can be difficult to be honest. To face up to one’s friends and family, and admit the truth, however troublesome that may be. But the most wretched task of all is admitting the truth to yourself.
And for fifth-year Commerce/Tourism Management student, Mitchell Salisbury (22), that task is proving more difficult than ever, as he continues his strange pattern of behaviour, which involves necking schooners of Great Northern Super Crisp, whilst simultaneously declaring he ‘loves beer’ to anyone who will listen.
‘Phwoar, how good’s a beer!’ declared the local man, lying to his friends, family and himself, as he continued to exclaim such sickening nonsense as ‘a six-pack of Northerns gets my tummy rumbling!’ and ‘I genuinely enjoy beers guys, look, I just drank two of them.’
No matter how much Mitchell tries to convince everyone of his passion for brewed hops, yeast, and barley, the proof is in the pudding. At least, the proof would be in the pudding, if the pudding was a voucher at the bottom of the Coles receipt which declares ‘$12 for a six pack of Great Northern.’
At the end of the day, Mitchell is effectively enjoying soda water with a sprinkling of beer flavour. And close, personal acquaintances have confirmed that fact.
‘Yeah, he insists on telling everyone down at The Osbourne how much he loves a cold beer, or a ‘Froth Whitlam’ as he idiotically calls it,’ stated Ollie Davidson (23), a school mate of Mitchell’s from their glory days at Churchie McGrammar.
‘The Osbourne literally has thirty different beers on tap and this bloke’s never ordered anything other than a mid-strength Great Northern. Even when their happy hour is on!’
Whilst Ollie revealed to The Obiter that he’s hardly a beer expert, and can barely pronounce the words ‘stout’ or ‘porter,’ he admitted he is still more experimental than sticking to the one beer without fail.
‘A Balter’s not bad under the right conditions, even,’ he whispered in a needlessly intimate tone.
No more to come on this enduringly clever idea that’s not just a basic attempt to cash into the ‘tagging your mate in beer articles’ genre.