What a blunder! A local dorky dad, in an awkward little moment, has just sent the family group chat a text which reads ‘So… who fucking tonight?’
Dad! That’s so frickin’ embarrassing, seriously!
Craig Bronson (51) is your classic dorky dad. At his 50th, he sung ‘Take Me Home, Country Roads,’ with his brother on acoustic guitar, and had the audacity to follow that up with a verse of Daryl Braithwaite’s ‘The Horses.’
Craig is so dorky, he used to stand at the school gates and yell ‘I love you!’ to his two loving, but embarrassed, children, Kristy and Mark. Dorky Craig even stood on the sidelines during his son’s cricket matches, yelling out dorky comments like ‘Move your feet to the pitch of the ball!’ and ‘Don’t worry if you get out, there’s still meatloaf for dinner, kiddo!’
But dorkiness has been taken to a new level with this silly little blunder. Um, Craig, ever heard of a facepalm? Might want to try one right about now!
‘Didn’t realise it wasn’t ‘kosher’ to ask who’s fucking tonight anymore,’ said Craig, sheepishly.
‘When did my kids suddenly decide they were too old for Dad to ask them if they were fucking tonight? I sure as shit still text my Dad every time I’m about to let my wife sex me up. And yeah - he sends me a winky emoji back!’
‘And yeah, sometimes he asks for pictures. But that’s classic Dad and child stuff! Anyway, I know my kids are embarrassed about the text. But the question still stands - who’s fucking tonight?’
As Craig continued to ask us if we were fucking tonight, we slowly left the interview (the answer also being an obvious no - we’re an online satirical magazine, we don’t have functioning genitals).
Redfaced Kristy and Mark couldn’t be reached for comment, but we reckon it might be scrambled eggs in the Bronson household tomorrow morning, made from the egg on Craig’s face!
What a goose! Who’s fucking tonight, Craig? You’re fucking up your chances of a normal text to the family group chat. Dads, am I right?
More to cum.