Frantic scenes at the Brisbane International airport as Italian resident Michela Marchisto was attempting to board her flight home. Peter Dutton was seen scrambling through security yelling ‘don’t go, you can stay if you want!’. Ms Marchisto was seen nervously smiling over her shoulder before continuing on with an increased sense of urgency.

Just as we had feared, Peter Dutton is that bloke at Cloudland who buys you a drink and then follows you around all night.

You always seem to want what you can’t have for example, illegal immigrants to permanent residency or bald old men to charming young au pairs. So it comes as a surprise to no one that Mr Dutton has used his position to avoid deporting European au pairs multiple times.

The Obiter caught up with a good friend Georgia (24) who has just come back from a stint au pairing in Switzerland to explain.

‘Yea the trip was fun thanks! The family I was staying with were sooooooo rich, like insane and they took me with them on holidays and stuff. Yea if I did it again I’d want to meet the family first though, the kids were fine, they loved me. It was just the Dad who was really weird, he would always walk around shirtless and would make some really crude comments.’

We see. Any defining characteristics?

‘Yea he was bald!’

Just as we feared. The Obiter reached out to Mr Dutton who didn’t look too busy.

‘It would have been a bit rough to see these young, fertile females deported to their own country! They haven’t done anything wrong and they’re white.’