“Ding, ding, BOOM!”

The rules were simple:

“Speakers will speak for four minutes, with a warning bell at 3 minutes, a double bell at 4 minutes, and an inter-continental ballistic missile firing them into the sun at 4 minutes 30 seconds if they fucking dare to speak overtime”.

But for first time debater Edward Johnston, 11, it was a step too far.

So caught up was he in his third affirmative speech, rattling through all the fundamental flaws in his opponents’ arguments, that he didn’t heed to warning of the first bell.

By the time the double bell sounded, he still had 2 palm cards left, and an entire summary of his team’s case.

In a desperate attempt to salvage the situation, Edward sped through his points, but just as he got to his final sentence there was a rude interruption.

“For all these reasons, we are so proud to prop-” BOOM! The timekeeper, 10 year old Sarah Thomas, pressed the big red button on the timekeeper’s desk, sending Edward hurtling through the roof, out of the Earth’s atmosphere, and into the sun where he promptly died.

Onlookers were stunned, but Sarah only had six words to appease the shocked masses: “Don’t say I didn’t warn you”.

More to come.