The hopes of a future Year 6 Leader in Kedron West are in tatters today after the launch of a merciless smear campaign. Brody McFadden (11) was the forerunner and 6C nominee going into the general election however pre-polls now have him polling in the single digits after rival Timothy Duke accused McFadden of shitting himself during last week’s assembly.
McFadden’s campaign, based upon fighting austerity measures imposed by the P&C who reduced the schools muffin morning from weekly to monthly, proved wildly popular among the student body. It appears that Duke could not secure the funding to upgrade the school’s computer labs and had to fight dirty.
The smear campaign was launched during first break with a team of lobbyists spreading rumours that quickly made their way through the handball line. This coincided with the appearance of posters showing McFadden’s face smeared with poo coloured Texta. While Duke denies any involvement in the erection of the posters despite an outcry by McFadden loyalists.
We reached out to Brody for a comment, he spoke to us through tears.
‘I didn’t poo my pants I swear. I was sitting near stinky Hamish, he probably did it. This isn’t fair I don’t even want to be school captain anymore I just want people to not think I’m weird and a pant shitter.’
Unfortunately, the impact of the campaign has reached the McFadden family. Brody’s dad can no longer drop his son in the zone near the school in the mornings due to fears of being associated with a known pant shitter.
‘Yeah, it’s pretty fucked, I thought I’d raised him better than this. Everyone knows politicians are grubs but I didn’t think they ever meant it this literally,’ stated Chris McFadden (42).
Even Brody’s mum Tracy, who has been a lollipop lady for over a decade at the school hasn’t escaped unscathed.
‘Some of the meaner kids added an extra O to my fluoro vest so now it says Lollipoop,’ said Tracy.
As at the time of publication McFadden is preparing to fire back with accusations that Duke is a nose picker however it may be too little too late with Timothy already preparing his victory speech. In hindsight such a brutal campaign can’t be good for the mental health of a prepubescent boy, but if you can’t handle the heat get out of the quadrangle.
Further election coverage to come.