In one of the most difficult days on the calendar for Young Liberals, the Labour Day public holiday brings about one of the great dilemmas: how can one despise the labour movement, yet enjoy the day off?
Historically, the Young Liberal movement has been strongly opposed to unions and the labour movement, describing them as ‘cancerous,’ ‘literally Hitler,’ and ‘worse than government intervention into the free market.’
However, the movement has also historically loved a public holiday, typically using them as an opportunity to catch up on a ‘couple of durries and brewskis, hey boys!’ (paraphrased). Therefore, Labour Day is an extremely tough day for these Aussie battlers.
The Obiter spoke with UQ Young Liberal Treasurer, Matt du Klerk (25), who upon hearing us mention unions, vomited a little bit. After he got past this, he described his internal paradox as ‘...a real struggle. A struggle we have to face once every year - this day is so tough on us, but you don’t hear Pedestrian.tv writing about our pain!’
As a South African-born Protestant, du Klerk is certainly strong in his views, and rarely keeps them to himself - but when we asked him whether he was more passionate about loving a beer on a public holiday, or hating unions, he became as silent as the night, with only a rapid twitch in his left eye any indication that he was still functioning.
Another Young Liberal member, who chose to remain anonymous, argues that the public holiday was a clever ploy by unions to ‘...force we proud conservatives into this difficult position. How could they do this to us? How dare they? What did we ever do to them? Why would they thrust this sickening paradox on our shoulders?’
As the rest of politically ambivalent Australia just relaxes and enjoys this fine day off, spare a thought for those who hate unions, but have to enjoy the fruits of their labour. Haha - Labour!
God, we’re good.