It might not be easy being green, but it’s certainly difficult to sustain an entertainment career with another man’s hand squarely up your ass, as local frog icon Kermit was happy to share with us.

‘Yeah, I’m just fucking over it, to be honest,’ shared the frog in an honest interview with The Obiter at Merlo’s this morning.

When we’d reached out to Kermit’s management several months ago, we had thought it highly unlikely we’d get a reply, particularly on the issue of any difficulties Mr. Kermit may have faced by having another person’s appendage inside him for the entirety of his career.

But to our surprise, Kermit was happy to have a chat with us, given he’s in town promoting his latest tell-all book, ‘Kokaine Kermit: The Muppet Show In 1980s Hollywood,’ and its related speaking tour, which has been the subject of student protests for its alarmingly Islamophobic content.

‘I understand that it’s probably necessary for my career, but it’s bloody painful, to say nothing of the lack of privacy,’ he muttered, in that iconic Southern drawl for which Kermit is well known.

Using his green lips to slurp up a babycino, he whispered ‘that’s good,’ before continuing.

‘I don’t have much time left in my career, I get that, so I’ll just have to tough it out. But I dream of the day I can stand on my own two feet, as opposed to sort of three feet? If you think of the puppet operator’s arm as a third foot, which I definitely do, it’s how I deal with it…’ he trailed off, looking into the distance.

Suddenly, Miss Piggy stormed in, terminating the interview. ‘There’s been a death in the family,’ she muttered, before storming away, in much the same way she stormed into the interview.

Fascinating. Definitely no more to come.