With the spelling almost as confusing as the exercises.

In what can only be described as Gen-Z’s answer to a Triathlon, Hyrox has now provided young people with more than three sports to be average at.

Particularly being a sport not too dissimilar to a doom-scroll, there’s no surprise that doing multiple repetitive things, for multiple seconds, and until a point of existential pain, seems to be a popular idea with the kids!

What is Hyrox?

The Obiter’s research team can confirm the origin of Hyrox is unknown, however last weekend was the first time everyone bloody heard about it.

We understand Hyrox is likely a by-product of a quarter-life-crisis, and possibly serves as another excuse beyond run-club for blokes to take off their shirts and meet like-minded corporate drones.

How can I compete?

The Obiter understands Hyrox to be some sort of cult. Therefore to compete in Hyrox requires the following:

a. an oath to isolate yourself from your family and friends;

b. a human sacrifice; and

c. your first born child.

What do I do to complete a Hyrox competition ?

To complete a Hyrox competition, and subsequently receive eternally validation, you must undertake the following activities:

a. post a minimum of three instagram stories;

b. wear lululemon activewear;

c. post a mirror selfie with you in your lululemon activewear holding an iced matcha; and

d. live in West-end.

What benefits do I get from doing Hyrox?

After you have completed Hyrox, in addition to tricking your friends that you are athletic, you will get the following benefits:

a. the chance to jump in a hypothermic ice-bath simulating the Titanic waters for 10 minutes after you compete;

b. an urge to register for the ‘Bridge to Brisbane’;

c. a new personality; and

d. other health benefits including being really good at jumping on a box and doing animal crawls.