Reports trickled in Monday morning that the UQ Red Heavies boys were completely straight, with their sexuality remaining unchallenged, after their intense, eighteen-hour long chem sex orgy was invalidated by the collective use of the phrase ‘no homo.’
‘Not that there is anything wrong with being gay,’ stressed several of the boys, moments after screaming ‘no homo!’ at the peak of their erotic climax.
All UQ Red Heavies boys involved in the exhausting, drug-fueled sex session that ended with all twenty five squad members orgasming in unison made it abundantly clear that they had no problems with gay people, and indeed, ‘had gay friends.’
Openside flanker, and experienced orgy participant, Rowan Euens-Sheppard confirmed this for us, in an exclusive comment.
‘I have nothing against gay people at all. But I am completely straight and predominantly attracted to adult women with large breasts that indicate fertility. My participation in an epic, amphetamine-fueled orgy with the boys doesn’t change the fact that I am attracted to hot girls with big, fat asses, not men.’
It is great to see that the boys in the UQ Red Heavies are so comfortable in their sexuality. Their sweaty, oily, tight bodies may have contorted in erotic ecstasy with one another, but their use of the phrase ‘no homo’ comfortably resolves any question marks they may have personally had regarding their sexuality.
If they had not affirmed their straightness immediately following exploding in unison on one another’s chests, it would have been homosexual. But these boys thought about hot girls the entire time which is not something gay men would do, is it?
Some gay men men arguably might have enjoyed the intense, draining orgy - but all the boys involved didn’t enjoy it because they are straight. And they aren’t threatened by homosexuality, it’s just that they are not attracted to men.
UQ Law Dean Patrick Parkinson was not available for comment, but we trust that he would have congratulated the boys on resisting Satan’s homosexual agenda through their devilishly clever deployment of ‘no homo.’
With the rugby season on the horizon, we suspect there will be some more to come! And with five new orgy participants next week, we know for a fact there will be more to cum.