A local Camp Hill man is struggling today in the kitchen, and not just because he doesn’t know the difference between broil and fan forced.

Kieran Walker was invited around to dinner on Tuesday with his girlfriend’s parents and was keen to impress them by making a red velvet cake.

However, he has now learned that the best place to find cake recipes is, and always will be, the Woman’s Weekly Cake Book, for Kieran fell into a classic trap for young players: thinking you’ll be able to find any actual recipes online.

Don’t get us wrong! It’s easy to google ‘red velvet cake in under 1 hour’ and find results. However, Kieran realised quickly that to find anything of actual culinary relevance, he must first trawl through a 3500-word autobiography from the chef.

Kieran reports that a recipe from RecipeTinEats.com contained a recipe submitted by chef, Katherine Jones. Katherine wrote firstly of her passion for the colour red, then her passion for velvet textures, then which flour was appropriate, then why you should only source said flower from Bhutan, then why she hates travelling to Bhutan because she honeymooned there, then why her last marriage disintegrated, THEN why baking this cake will assist you in avoiding marital problem and FINALLY the ingredients.

“Honestly, finding the actual recipe on a website should become one of the challenges in Dante’s Inferno,” said Kieran. “I did eventually bake the cake though. It’s pretty sick aye.”

Good luck for next week, Kieran!