‘I’m a self-identified privacy crusader,’ said an insufferably dull man to his friends this morning, repeating a phrase heard across Australia as the government rolls out its COVIDSafe app. Whilst the application has raised legitimate concerns about balancing the need to protect privacy with the overwhelming desire of the country to beat the COVID-19 pandemic, many Australians have utilised it to virtue-signal their own opposition to ‘anyone having’ their data.
This is despite the fact the technology they use every day already knows literally everything about them.
Tech giants Google, Facebook, and Apple, have built an entire industry about being aware of what their users talk about, what their users search, eat, do, and say, all under the umbrella of ‘being useful apps.’
And for the majority of blissfully unaware Australians, they have been content for that to simply tick away in the background. But Dave Gruhsole (26) is different. He cares. He cares about privacy. And when we put the question to him, he showed just how much he cares.
‘Oh, Google having my data? I don’t really care to be honest,’ said Dave in a stunning admission that we never expected him to be so upfront about.
Whilst tweeting his rage at the Prime Minister, Dave looked up briefly to continually engage in the interview, conducted in his leafy Queenslander with about seven different smart appliances.
Apparently unfazed that multinational tech companies can literally record his face every time he opens his fridge, Dave has taken a proud, principled stand against the COVIDSafe app.
‘Not in a million years would I trust the government,’ he reckons, having less faith in elected representatives than he does in scheming multinational corporations driven solely by profit.
And when asked whether he would sacrifice some of his legitimate concerns in return to ending the suffering of the pandemic, he simply scoffed, and replied ‘...doesn’t effect me mate. I finally have the time to write my novel!’
Our interview team left before he could describe the novel, but from the snippets our recording equipment caught, it appears it will be the fictional memoirs of a 26-year-old man named Dave who inexplicably has sex with Kim Cattrall after meeting her in Coober Pedy in the middle of a dust storm.
To be honest, we’re definitely going to read it.
No more to come, in any way shape or form.