Dramatic scenes are occurring in Forgan Smith, as tensions are ratcheting up between students and staff as legendary cricket match, the Suri Ratnapala Cup, draws ever closer.

Sledging and aggression is reaching new heights, as one plucky first-year was recently overheard telling swashbuckling opening batsman, and prominent law lecturer, Russell Hinchy, that he had better ‘get ready for a broken fucking arm, mate.’

As Mitch McDonald (18) was held back by his other Churchie mates, the harsh sledge escaped his lips, catching the attention of Mr Hinchy, who gazed up and down at the lean young Anglican product.

‘I’ll see you on the pitch, you snivelling coward,’ spat Hinchy, fixing McDonald with one of his withering glares usually reserved for students who fail to correctly highlight the ratio decidendi in some obscure English legal decision.

As excitement builds around this Sunday’s cricket match, an aggressive tone has gripped the Law School, with rogue cricket balls flying around like bludgers. Our sources indicate Nicholas Aroney has taken to wearing his box as he lectures, as his fear of any premature low blows is far outweighing any embarrassment he might feel.

Regardless, Sunday’s entertainment promises to be a frighteningly exciting, beer-soaked, action-packed day of frivolity. But if your name is Lewis Radford, expect them short, fast, and frighteningly close to your jaw.

No more to fuckin’ come, mate.