‘Hang on, what? There’s more than one? Well, this is a blow to our organisation’s name, that’s for sure,’ said Stephen McGuire (27), a ninth-year Arts student and a program leader for the One Woman Project.
The One Woman Project, founded in 2013, is a crucial organisation that seeks provide youth-oriented education about global gender issues. And it’s particularly admirable, given they believe there is only ‘one woman.’
For an organisation to fight so hard for gender equality, when they believe there is only one person from the other gender, is an example of courage and bravery the likes of which have only previously been seen on the Western Front, or maybe during Avengers: Endgame. But today, members of the One Woman Project are absolutely reeling from the shocking revelation that there’s actually like, well over three billion women in the world.
‘I’m speechless, to be honest,’ said Matilda Maddison (20), a second-year Commerce student who bizarrely didn’t think of herself as the ‘one woman.’
‘I’d always heard rumours that there was more than one woman, but I didn’t dare believe it.’
‘It just completely changes the scope of our organization,’ said McGuire in an exclusive interview with The Obiter. ‘Now, we can advocate for billions of people worldwide. Previously, we thought we were just doing this on behalf of one extremely grateful woman.’
Our investigation team found it difficult to establish just who the organisation’s members meant when they referred to the ‘one woman,’ but after tireless effort, we were able to weasel an answer out of Matilda.
‘Well, it’ll sound stupid now,’ she said, walking out of BBC where a group of Year 10s who will happily share nudes without consent, and call women ‘sluts’ to their faces, have just signed a pledge of commitment to equal pay between the genders.
‘But I always thought the one woman was Whoopi Goldberg. And I thought it was weird we didn’t hear from her more, given our whole organisation was about promoting her, the One Woman. It’s why we had our Sister Act fundraiser in New Farm Park.’
Regardless, the members of this organisation now have a spring in their step, knowing there’s actually billions of women worldwide. Stephen McGuire was last seen skipping off to a GPS school, ready to tell a room full of would-be date rapists that ‘yo, consent is cool,’ and ‘if she says no, then you say oh, I respect that, that’s lit, fam.’
More to come from this fascinating revelation - it’ll be big when the Salvation Army finds out the Salvation War ended in 1978.